Thursday, May 7, 2009

The undying curse of talentless hacks

Some people are nice. You see them on TV, they are cute, charming and talented, and you enjoy watching them. You buy their CDs, watch their movies, follow their careers. It is all nice and good fun.

Some people, however, are not talented. They are not fun. They are basically an annoyance, a waste of everybody's time, talentless hacks clinging to their 15 minutes with desperate energy and fearless abandon. They suddenly appear in the pop culture world, and they just stand there, hogging the limelight for a bit, until the public realize they suck and they get kicked out of the stage.

Talentless hacks usually try to develop elaborate mechanisms of survival. They like fame, so they try to stay famous, no matter what. The creativity of those antics varies wildly, going from the mildy amusing (getting into a reality show) to the pretty bold (celebrity sex tape) to the just plain disgusting (Screech sex tape). Some of the pathetic crappy losers even manage to become sorta acceptable if their desperate attempts reach the level of performance art - say celebrity meltdown or Joaquin Phoenix in Letterman.

Of all the tactics to stay in the spotlight, the most obnoxious of all is those pricks that go on and procreate. They get pregnant. The call their siblings. They multiply and populate the radio waves, filling hours of pop culture with repetitive inanity. They become, in other words, the fucking Osmonds, or even worse, a serial adopting agency & procreation factory nightmare named Angelina. They transform from being a single annoyance to a clan.

This is bad for two reasons. First, siblings tend to suck. If the first brother was no good, the siblings are not going to be better. If the mom or dad were talentless idiots, the descendants are only going to inflict more pain, to make us forget. Just look at the wise, wise, wise advice of Palin (mom) and the got-kid-preach-abstinance trainwreck that is her daughter. Second, babies are basically evil, and seriously, we don't care how yours looks like. He will grow up talentless. Get out of the way.

We need a filter. We need a way to wash bad celebrities out of the system, so they never come back. Who, on its right mind, allowed Sanjaya get into a reality TV show? Does America really need more Sanjaya? What have we done to deserve this? Save us. Please. Make it stop.

No comments:

Post a Comment