Heroes update

Yesterday´s episode confirms that the Cheerleader is definetely the most pointless character in television. Not only is Hayden Panetiere an awful actress, but the writers have been playing the same history arch over and over again with her. The Noah-does-bad-stuff-to-protect-her, she-rebels, argument and redemption crap is identical every single season. It was awesome in the first season (mainly because we didn´t know who HRG was) and it was focused the right way (the rare episode about a single character, "Company Man") but by now it is beyond stale.

Next week´s teaser looked good (Noah is a great character when that stupid moron of a daughter he has is not around), but I am putting the show officially on notice. They either stop being lame, or I am dropping it from my carefully planned schedule.

Heroes: a Zellweger infestation

Watching the formerly awesome show named Heroes on Monday, I noticed several things.

First, in comparison to the bad second season and dreadful fall 2008 chapter, I was in fact slightly amused, even enjoying myself at times. Considering how the show started (with a ridiculously great first 18 episodes and a pretty good season one finale) and how far it fell, actually having a bit of fun is a welcome addition. Yes, they are still relying in the same old plot points and tricks (how many times can Noah change sides? Why is Peter Petrelli so fucking stupid?), but at least there is some decent pacing there, and the characters are not spread out in eleven different retarded plot lines at once.

Despite that, however, the show still has something... off. Something is not really working. Which brings me to the second point: the show has been infested by the spawn of Zellweger.

Let me explain myself. In Heroes there are three terrible, terrible, terrible characters: the fucking cheerleader, the moronic Mohinder, and whoever Ali Later is supposed to be this season. All three of them are played by really bad actors (and Hayden Panettiere is probably the worst of them) that are dealt with boring characters that are flat, stupid, completely superflous and basically irrelevant.

The cheerleader is inmortal in a completely moronic way. She is useless unless you are using her as a human shield or to make Noah field bad (and seriously, why does he worry? It is not that they can kill your daughter), and always end up being some sort of bizarre holy grail / living target. Mohinder is a weak willed, constantly flabergasted, persistently confused, easily manipulable wimp with an annoying voice. And Ali Later is basically an awful actress, so no matter what charecter she has she will make a moron out of it.

These three characters drain the life of any scene they are in. The turn plotlines into turds. They basically derrail the show everytime the walk past the cammera. And on top of that, they just won't die, no matter how often they get shot, impaled, mutated, poisoned, blown up or tortured, why a whole legion of vastly more interesting characters kick the bucket left and right without ever getting fully developed. The speedster, google girl, invisible guy, Veronica Mars, all vastly more interesting and all six feet under, while this trio of losers keep ruining my show.

Please, make it stop. Take the Zellweger away. Please.

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump

We have seen this two movies before, after all:

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

A romance for all seasons

Flipping through channels this evening I just realized that I am a total sucker for TV shows with unfulfilled relationships. It is a whole sub-genre of TV cheese: many seasons, two characters, and enough obviously missed opportunities for mad monkey sex that you want to jump into the screen and slap those idiots silly.

Case in point these days: Bones. Bones and Booth are dying to jump into each other, do some pretty crazy things that would require a long, long commercial break to avoid the FCC going bonkers, and basically let some good sense into the plot for once. These guys really need some relief, and seriously, someone should rent a room for them.

I don't just want to put an end to their suffering, though; it is their work mates I worry about. Can you seriously imagine working with two first class morons like that for that many years? And boy, she is you boss. Mentioning that stuff to her will get you some crazy looks, and definetely nothing like a solid, stress free working enviroment.

It is a cheap plot point, but I can't help but fall for it. I kept watching X-Files long past its due date just because of their obnoxious non-romance (and my favorite episode, "Triangle", basically spends most of its time teasing about this), Battlestar Galactica has decided to torture me with a presidential unfulfiled relationship, and at the current rate 30 Rock is going to add a Jack / Liz subplot by the end of the season, binding me to the altar of the almighty Tina Fey forever.

So note to writers: any show that has this silly plot device, I will fall for it. Hard. Add one sucker to your ratings.