Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Heroes: a Zellweger infestation

Watching the formerly awesome show named Heroes on Monday, I noticed several things.

First, in comparison to the bad second season and dreadful fall 2008 chapter, I was in fact slightly amused, even enjoying myself at times. Considering how the show started (with a ridiculously great first 18 episodes and a pretty good season one finale) and how far it fell, actually having a bit of fun is a welcome addition. Yes, they are still relying in the same old plot points and tricks (how many times can Noah change sides? Why is Peter Petrelli so fucking stupid?), but at least there is some decent pacing there, and the characters are not spread out in eleven different retarded plot lines at once.

Despite that, however, the show still has something... off. Something is not really working. Which brings me to the second point: the show has been infested by the spawn of Zellweger.

Let me explain myself. In Heroes there are three terrible, terrible, terrible characters: the fucking cheerleader, the moronic Mohinder, and whoever Ali Later is supposed to be this season. All three of them are played by really bad actors (and Hayden Panettiere is probably the worst of them) that are dealt with boring characters that are flat, stupid, completely superflous and basically irrelevant.

The cheerleader is inmortal in a completely moronic way. She is useless unless you are using her as a human shield or to make Noah field bad (and seriously, why does he worry? It is not that they can kill your daughter), and always end up being some sort of bizarre holy grail / living target. Mohinder is a weak willed, constantly flabergasted, persistently confused, easily manipulable wimp with an annoying voice. And Ali Later is basically an awful actress, so no matter what charecter she has she will make a moron out of it.

These three characters drain the life of any scene they are in. The turn plotlines into turds. They basically derrail the show everytime the walk past the cammera. And on top of that, they just won't die, no matter how often they get shot, impaled, mutated, poisoned, blown up or tortured, why a whole legion of vastly more interesting characters kick the bucket left and right without ever getting fully developed. The speedster, google girl, invisible guy, Veronica Mars, all vastly more interesting and all six feet under, while this trio of losers keep ruining my show.

Please, make it stop. Take the Zellweger away. Please.

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