Thursday, February 5, 2009

Let me Clear My Throat

Ok, I know I'm a few days late on this one, but I really needed to voice my opinion. First of all, let me preface by saying that Micheal Phelps's achievments during the 2008 Summer Olympics transcended sport into something that can not be explained. I was one of those people yelling at the television cheering for the "Aquaman" as he swam towards history. My buddy Jim Kel even started the coveted USA! USA! chant in the living room after Mr. Swimmy broke the record. Ok now lets hop in the time machine so we can flash forward to 2009.
Zip Bang Bong!!!

On February 1, 2009 Michael Phelps admitted that a photo published in a British tabloid showing him smoke a marijuana pipe or "bong" was indeed him. Apparently, he had been at a party in South Carolina having fun and forgot that he is a mega star with million dollar endorsments. I have a couple issues with Mikey. First of all, "YOU FUCKING MORON!". You are at a college party ripping bongs and EVERBODY has a cell phone with a camera! Seriously. I'm not one of those anti drug guys, in fact, I do condone smoking weed. Fuck it, I think alcohol is much more dangerous to society. The point is marijuana is illegal and when one is in the media spotlight, one should be a little more careful about taking part in illegal activities.

No to the real reason for this post. When the story first broke a number of thoughts were running through my mind. Initially I was happy to see that this God of an Olympic icon was indeed human. And honestly, I can't think of anything more American than ripping a Bong in South Carolina. Sounds like good times. My mind wandered further and I realized, "Fuck Michael Phelps!" Ripping bongs is my territory baby, and if a superstar athlete thinks he can just step in take all the fame for smokin bongs than he is gravely mistaken. I been smokin bongs since Michael Phelps was doin the backstroke in his daddy's nutsack. All MY hardwork and training has all amounted to nil, nathan, squat. This "Aquaman" (the most pussy of all comic heros) just decides to step in and start smokin pot and now he gets all the credit. Man, I can not explain just how this vexes me. It takes years and years of sweat and smoke to get to my level of bong prowess, and I will not stand for an amateur stealing my shine.

So Mikey P, if you're out their cabron I'm callin you out. Me and you, and a pile of dank green shit. I'll even let you pick the pipe. Olympic gold can't save you now, so start training.

Fuck Michael Phelps

1 comment:

  1. As resident policy nerd, that should hint that maybe, just maybe, it could be a good idea to legalize ze weed.

    You know, for the kids.